Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I never planned on being pregnant.

Certainly not this time, but more importantly not ever.
Don’t get me wrong, for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted children,
just not biologically.
The idea of ‘being pregnant’ was never remotely appealing,
the magic of it all was lost on me.
To me a child has always been a child
and family didn't necessarily mean blood.
This attitude was slightly bizarre but for whatever reason,
sharing the prenatal bond with my child was never that important to me.
My dreams involved travel, adventure, an artistic career
and eventually adopting a child sometime in my mid-thirties.
But God, or Fate, or Jameson’s,
whichever you prefer,
had a different plan and two weeks before my 24th birthday
I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant.
A lot flashed through my head in the moments that followed the arrival of the second pink line,
mostly expletives that I won’t share
but somewhere in there I made a decision to keep this baby
and from that moment forward everything changed.
Many of the things that scared me about pregnancy
have turned out to be frighteningly accurate
but there have also been those fears that
have turned out to be exceptionally beautiful.
And ironically, the few benefits I associated with pregnancy
have ended up falling short.
Allow me first to elaborate on what I call “the frighteningly accurate”

o Hemorrhoids – a very real and alarming fear,

I have actually stood butt naked with one leg propped up on the toilet,
checking my booty in the mirror to see if the agony between my cheeks
was as horrifying as the results of my Google image search.
  *I've yet to confirm their existence but the discomfort is there*

o Morning sickness – I've yet to miss alcohol
and I mostly attribute this to the 4 month long hangover
that welcomed me into my pregnancy journey.
During these nausea laden months I actually got to experience
throwing up in a bush while biking to work,
as well as on the side of the highway and finally into my own lap.

o Hormones – It’s frustrating to question everything that you feel
and to constantly wonder if all your emotions can
or should be attributed to changes in your hormones.

Some honorable mentions include:
o Leaky breasts – I’ll never forget that moment
when I realized what the “drool stains” in my bra actually were.

o Food aversions – A previous favorite food, French Fries,
became a source of contention for a solid 5 months.

o Exhaustion –To this day, if I manage to put on mascara and a clean shirt,
 I consider the day a success.

Of the few things I declared “benefits of pregnancy”, the following have fallen short:

o The Glow – Although I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid stretch marks,
and although there have been several comments on my being “adorable”
I feel completely unattractive. All. The. Time.

o Registering – A decided bonus of pregnancy,
I found registering daunting, time consuming, overwhelming and exhausting.
I preferred to nap and let people, who knew better than me,
buy what they deemed appropriate and necessary.
Amazingly enough I ended up with quite the well rounded selection of loot.

Alright, enough with the negativity,
I will admit that previously the thought of something,
other than Taco Bell,squirming inside of me, freaked me out--horrified me would even be appropriate.
But alas, I live for those gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) kicks, jabs and nudges.
I also can’t get enough of the ultrasound photos or, in fact, any photo or video of a newborn.
Pregnancy has improved my time management skills and redirected my priorities for the better. I’m more focused and less concerned with petty bull-crap, it’s funny how huge life events can really put things into perspective.Over the last few months (I’m currently 34 weeks) I've had a handful of hysterical breakdowns,
experienced my fair share of alarming and fascinating bodily changes and I've mourned the loss of a life I wasn't ready to part with. But as I near the end of this unexpected journey, I can honestly (and humbly) say
that I’m grateful to have been blessed with the experience of pregnancy, and all its frightening surprises.

Friday, December 7, 2012

and then Graco made me lose my mind

it was going really well
the whole day
I managed to shower this morning
I wasn't overly grumpy at work
and I finally got the carseat
it's been quite the process
an ongoing debate between me, myself and I
travel system? convertible that lasts longer? infant seat without stroller?
ultimately I decided on what I knew I would all along...a travel system
it made the most sense 
and it was easy on all fronts -- pushing, breaking down, putting up
the carseat/carrier doesn't weigh too much,
the stroller itself is surprisingly compact -- a pleasant surprise
and it's Graco -- 
the only label I could name, if I ever found myself being asked about popular baby brands
...probably on a game show
but I digress
the set up of the stroller started out so simple and straightforward
that should have been my first clue
40 minutes later I found myself beating my forehead into one of the wheels
cursing Graco, God and anything within 3-ft of me
it's just one little screw,
the last little screw,
once it's in I've got myself an assembled travel system
but alas, the stroller is in the back bedroom, unassembled
and my thumb and pointer finger are badly bruised from trying to push this stupid pin into it's place
I managed to pull myself out of my hormonal rage long enough to focus on a new project
taking inventory of what I have and making a list of what I need
this was quickly derailed when the infamous pug darted under my bed
eliciting a Hulk-like anger inside me
there I was, lying on the floor beside my bed
risking rage-induced pre-term labor
and then I sneezed
blood saturated snot
(a lovely side effect of pregnancy)
all over my face 
and shoulder 
and sweater's been quite a night
and I've decided to blame Graco